January 24, 2009

I have a confession to make.

I am absolutely addicted to do-it-yourself books. Doesn't matter of it's crafting books, first aid for chickens books, household cleaning products books...all of them. Any of them. Alternative "folk" medicine books. Teach yourself to knit books. Clutter free your home books. Live on a shoestring books. Watercolors 101 books. Native American beading books. Debt proof your life books. Rag rug making books. Cockatiels for dummies, books.

Oy vey.

Let me interject here that I am not doing any of these things (hardly) that I have bought books about.

My intentions are always good (and you know what they say about good intentions ...), but somehow, I never get past my adoration of the book itself, it seems. And as soon as I have finished reading it, I'm on to the next one.

I live on a tiny homestead out in the country. We have gardens, we have chickens, we have a stocked pond. We have fruit trees, we have berries, and we have nuts. I have plenty to do, taking care of all this. I plan, cultivate and care for my organic gardens. I can and freeze and dry all manner of vegetables and herbs. I feed and care for my chickens. I take care of all my pets. I manage a house of about 1700 sq ft and one darling, if sloppy husband. I mow the grass, I plant flowers, I do laundry and I vacuum like a madwoman (3 dogs, 6 cats and a bird). 'Nuff said.

And yet, I want to learn to do things, like crochet and make rag rugs and paint. I want to be productive, I guess. I never learned to sew or do any of those things that mothers used to teach their daughters. Now I wish I could. I could take a lesson or two, but that would probably ensure that I would never make a stitch of clothing in my life.

I'd love to learn to knit just so I could make those big thick rag wool socks that I pay 10 dollars a pair for. I met a woman once in an AA meeting somewhere...maybe Oregon...who would sit and knit socks all through the meeting. Beautiful, colorful wonderful big socks.

After I got hurt and the decision came down from on high that I would never work again, I started doing all kinds of artsy-fartsy stuff. Things that I had never had the time or opportunity to do before. Lettering handmade cards. Making and painting wooden refrigerator magnets. Making Christmas ornaments. Painting bottles and cups and cannisters with flowers. I always said and believed that I had no artistic talent in me at all. I know now that I just never had the time to even try. I was a restaraunt manager most of my life, and when that's your job, you work anywhere from 50-70 hours a week. I started taking lessons to learn to play my beautiful handmade dulcimer, made by a friend of mine, especially for me. Everything in my reality started to shift.

Today, I am living a life I never dreamed would be mine. I still work a lot, but at a different pace and level than I ever did before. I take time to do things I have always wanted to do. To try things I always wanted to try.

And it's all good.

You just never know what tomorrow may bring....enjoy the ride!